"F"ruit This!

FRUIT THIS!

It was 10:30 at night and I was lying down on my bed, looking down at my belly. I did not like what I saw. Back in the day, I used to be able to take a piece of string and hold it from hip bone to hip bone while lying down and my lower stomach would not touch the string. Back then, I used to be able to pull my pants on without having to lie down on the floor to zip them up. Back then…I wasn’t about to turn 51.

I was so disgusted with the “mind-of-its-own” stomach that I decided right then and there to go on a fruit fast the following day. I heard that running on fruit for three days will give you a certain “glow.” I also heard that the stomach shrinks, things flow through the colon a lot faster and you’ll have energy like you haven’t experienced in a long time.

So this is how my first day of the “fruit only” went:

5:45 A.M. Wake up to the vibrating alarm. Try not to think about “not” having oatmeal for breakfast

6:10 A.M. Go to the grocery store and buy fruit already cut up along with two kinds of fruit juices.

6:35 A.M. Arrive at radio station with fruit.

6:52 A.M. Eat first piece of fruit before craving cereal.

7:05 A.M. Go on the air and talk about how I’m going to try and do a fruit fast for three days.

7:25 A.M. Eat another piece of fruit and try not to think about “not” having a veggie burger for lunch

7:50 A.M. Talk to weatherman on the air. Ask him if he ever did a fruit fast. He said, “no.”

8:20 A.M. Eat more fruit.

8:39 A.M. Eat more fruit. Wonder what the special is at the Mexican restaurant.

9:22 A.M. Go in back office and stare at my instant oatmeal package. Read the label to see if there is any dried fruit inside.

9:45 A.M. Are potatoes fruit?

10:15 A.M. Went for a walk with an apple. The apple just doesn’t taste the same when I know I have to eat it.

10:40 A.M. I wonder what the lunch special is at the Italian restaurant today?

11:05 A.M. Eat more fruit. Is it my imagination or is the cantaloupe making my tongue itch?

11:45 A.M. Do news and other stuff at the radio station that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time so I don’t think about eating more fruit.

12:38 P.M. Go home and open the refrigerator. Stare at my homemade corn chowder.

1:23 P.M. Does it count if you have a piece of bread with fruit spread?

1:25 P.M. “F” this fruit thing. I don’t feel better at all.

1:47 P.M. Decide that fruit is overrated.