Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Wow! Has it really been almost a year since I last posted on this? That only means one thing: MENOPAUSE HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE!!

It means that I haven't felt like writing. It means that because I haven't felt like writing I feel guilty. When I feel guilty I feel sad because I'm feeling guilty. When I feel sad about feeling guilty, I have a hot flash. When I have a hot flash I roll my eyes and say things no mature woman should say out loud. When I say those things out loud so that the neighbors can hear, I'm ashamed. When I feel guilty, and sad and ashamed for my behavior I get very moody. When I'm very moody, I don't like being inside my own head. When I'm in my own head I want to get out. I think about running away. I think about what it was like when the only things in my head were the basics like brushing my teeth, taking care of the kids, making enough money to pay rent and eating things that make me chunky. But now I get sad again because I can eat veggies and chicken all month long and I still get chunky because I'm in major menopause and all the blood that used to leak out of me every month for the past 38 years is now gathering around my middle. Then I get sad because I don't like looking in a mirror. I especially get sad because I had to go through my jeans and remove the ones that I can't pull over my hips anymore. And that makes me feel guilty for buying them since I can't wear them right now.

Oy - I'm all over the place.

I think I'll go read a book.